


Loss / Gain

by SoloByChoice



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Fatherhood, Gen, Infertility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 10:25:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17558636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloByChoice/pseuds/SoloByChoice
Summary: McCoy tells Spock about his daughter for the first time. Set sometime early season 2.





	Loss / Gain

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by a quote I read today: "There is no great loss without some small gain." - Laura Ingalls Wilder

“Her name is Joanna,” said McCoy, proffering the photograph. Spock took it, out of politeness.

 _Ah_ he thought _a confidence for a confidence._

The picture showed a young woman in Earth-style graduation dress, grinning at the camera. There was a certain familial resemblance about the eyes.

“I miss her, of course,” said McCoy as he rummaged in his desk for his bottle of whisky and two glasses. “Drink?”

“No, thank you, Doctor,” Spock replied, as always.

“Well, I’ll have one anyway.” Also as always.

In a break with routine, Spock made no motion to leave. Instead he considered the picture a moment longer. There was something familiar about her smile as well. And in coloration she resembled the doctor, though of course Spock had no notion what her mother might look like.

He’d long had an idle curiosity what it might be like to have someone look at you with your own eyes. Impossible and so, illogical. He dismissed the thought.

McCoy perched on the edge of his desk and swirled his drink in one hand, watching him.

“Is this a recent photograph?” Spock asked, handing it back.

“Yeah, she just graduated high school. Course, we’re too far out, but I’d have liked to go to the ceremony... Well, anyway, she sent that along.” He returned it to its place on the desk.

“Why have you never mentioned her before?”

McCoy shrugged. “Jim knows about her, but you’re right, I don’t talk about her much. For a lot of reasons, I guess. I feel guilty I wasn’t a bigger part of her life. I miss her and haven’t seen her in person in a long time, so it can be a painful topic. And I might be subtler about it than you, but I’m a pretty private person.”

Spock wasn’t surprised that Kirk already knew about McCoy’s daughter. The two men had known each other longer than Spock had known either of them. He recalled the time Kirk had told him about Carol Marcus and their son, David. Spock wondered what the boy looked like, and whether Kirk would ever meet him.

“I was in medical school when she was born, which wasn’t great timing, but we always wanted kids, so. She was about seven when we got divorced, and I joined the Medical Corps not long after. Haven’t lived on Earth since.  We try to talk at least once a month, though, especially as she’s gotten older. She used to sort of blame me for leaving, but I think she gets it now. Ah hell,” he interrupted himself suddenly. “Listen to me, I’m getting maudlin in my old age.” He tossed back the rest of the drink, then leaned down to put the glass away.

“What about you, Spock? Did you ever think about having kids?” He was still looking into the desk drawer, intentionally, Spock assumed.

Uncomfortable, Spock demurred. “Vulcans can live up to twice as long as humans, Doctor. I had... not made a decision.”

“Permit me one more personal question: why didn’t you come to me? Wouldn’t you have preferred bad news from a friendly face?”

Spock simply raised an eyebrow.

McCoy laughed, as Spock had intended. “No, I guess you wouldn’t.”

“Will that be all, Doctor?”

“Yeah, yeah, back to work... You know, Spock, you can miss something you never had. You can even miss something you’re not sure you ever wanted.”

Spock inclined his head in acknowledgement and turned to leave.

McCoy couldn’t resist: “After all, it’s only human.”

Spock decided just this once to let him have it.


End file.
